Family and Work: The Family's Perspective
10 Older Children Looking Back
10.1 Older Children's Re-evaluations
10.2 Conclusions
10.1 Older Children's Re-evaluations
In recording several anecdotes of adults looking back on their own parents' work choices, Galinsky (1999) noted that a re-evaluation of childhood experiences could occur. This is an important issue to touch on, as it relates to the fact that this study is not about outcomes, but rather is about the impressions and perceptions of the current circumstances in which families find themselves. One concern with research such as this is that the children "don't know what's good for them", so basing action upon their expressed preferences could be both inappropriate and potentially harmful. It is important to bear in mind that asking children for their opinions and impressions does not mean that the responsibility for decision-making is being transferred to them. Rather, in asking children about their experiences, research such as this seeks to explore the processes operating within families, and acknowledges the immediate experience can be an additional factor in guiding adult decisions.
In this study a number of young adult children were interviewed specifically with a view to considering how they would evaluate their recent experiences. Of particular interest was the question of whether they might recall feeling resentful or unhappy about the way that their parents managed work and family, or whether they might speak of accepting whatever circumstances they experienced without question at the time, but subsequently re-evaluated their experiences as they became older.
- Most of my friends' mothers did work, not all of them, but most of them did work and so it was just like – OK, their Mum works, my Mum doesn't – that's the way it's always been. Like there is no specific point when I thought "hang on, why doesn't she work and why do they work?" I think I just accepted it the way it was. That was just the way it was and it didn't bother me either way, kind of thing.
[girl, 21]
- [about father] Yes, he has always worked pretty long hours, like a 12 hour day. He used to come home from work when he was living here and be really shitty, you know. He would be working these long hours and then down to the pub and then he came back here and we were making heaps of noise, so he was like run down a bit. Like, now I'm older, I can understand why he got shitty every now and then, because I went to work with him a few times and I was just exhausted, so it is really hard stuff.
[boy, 17]
[Talks about difference for younger sister. Mother used to go to all excursions when not working. Now works] I can see (my little sister), she loved it when mum came home, but recently because she is doing a course and everything, she's had to miss a few things. I saw (my sister) was upset about it and stuff. [Will things be different for her?] Yes, slightly. But I just reckon mum will be, like she is the sort of person that wouldn't really alter that much.
[girl, 18]
[about when she became aware of her parents working]
I'm aware of it. I suppose no, looking back, at my age, it wasn't Mum's childhood dream I don't think to work in a Milk Bar, but it was to make ends meet and she did all she could at that time to keep us afloat and I appreciate now more than what I did before, but it never really entered my mind because Mum always worked full-time and it was just what she did and it didn't have an impact on me.
[girl, 19]
[In response to the line of questions about what she did with her Dad, mentioned going to netball. Was that good? Was that important to have him there?] Now, yes. Back then he was a man with a car. But now, yes, it was a good thing. He didn't really understand sport that much, but all 3 of us, whatever sport we chose to do, he'd pick us up and watch us and bring us home and then he'd go.[What are the things that are good now about that?] On his part, I think it was because keeping in our lives, kind of thing. Making sure the line wasn't broken. More of an attachment thing, like – it wasn't that there wasn't anyone that couldn't take me to netball. Any one of the mothers would have taken me to netball, but looking back now, I think that was Dad's way of having, like, a different role in my life. That was something that I did with Dad. Netball was dad, and my brother kicking football with Dad, and basketball.
[girl, 19]
10.2 Conclusions
The older children clearly had taken a different view of their parents' working as they grew older. Some reflected on the fact that they did not question the "normality" of their experience at the time. Some had a better understanding of negative mood spillover and indicated some forgiveness.
Young adult children did appear to take a different view of their parents' work, although they still reflected an acceptance of their different experiences. They were able to see reasons for what they did not question as younger children, and were able to appreciate decisions made and parents' actions that at the time they may have either resented or taken for granted. An adult perspective allowed these children to see their parents as individuals making choices within a broader context, rather than only as a powerful person in their lives who was there primarily to meet their needs.
Go to Chapter 11
Back to Contents page