Family and Work: The Family's Perspective

12 Non-parental care

12.1 The Children's Perspective
12.2 The Parents' Perspective
12.3 Conclusions

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12.1 The Children's Perspective

Most of the children who had experience of some non-parental care during primary school years went to after school care.

Some of the younger children spoke positively of their after school care experiences.

[Did you enjoy going to after school care?] Yes. I got to play with my friends, I got to do activities and speak to other people.
[boy, 11]

[after-care] It's fun. [probe] Well, like having free time all the time.
[girl, 8]

Upon reflection, older children considered that after-school care lost its attraction for them when they were in grades 5 and 6. Often this was said to be because none of their friends went any more.

I don't really like it at (after care) because hardly any of my friends go and there is hardly anything to do.
[boy, 11]

Well we started at (one school) and that was a really good After Care program. They were good staff and all that sort of thing, but we moved to (another school) and things changed. And the programme wasn't…well, we got older and we realized that we didn't want to be there. And our friends – like my friends, they would walk home and whatever, and because we lived a bit further away, we couldn't really do that. And, I don't know, it just got to me sometimes, because like my friends could go home and go for a ride or whatever, and I'd be stuck at school.
[girl, 16]

[Looking back on after-school care.] I hated it. [probe] The teachers. And they have yuck food, and there's nothing to do. Oh, it's OK if you have friends here. If you don't have friends it's boring.
[girl, 12]

It didn't really worry me when I was younger, because I had friends there as well. But as you get older, there's fewer friends that you can get along with – they're all little or whatever.
[boy, 13]

There were several children who liked aspects of after-school care, but complained about a particular carer. This may be an objective assessment of the carer's skills, or it may be influenced by some children's resentment of being highly organised after a day of structured school.

[About after-school care] Well, there were a lot of kids to play with there but I didn't really like (the carer), because she can get really bossy at times and she's really strict.
[boy, 12]

[about after care] Well, it's good and cool, but some of the teachers, one of the teachers yells too much. But they've got cool things, lots of cool things.
[girl, 8]

A number of the children spoke about taking themselves home after school, and being on their own in the house until their parents came home. For some this was reported as a positive experience.

I've got the whole house to myself, I can do whatever I want. I suppose, just being by myself.
[boy, 11]

For others this also had become boring.

Sometimes it's a bit boring, because if I don't have any homework, which is… it's just a bit boring. Because we're not allowed out of the house until Mum and Dad are home in case something happens.
[girl, 11]

Um, well it's like anything, once you've had it for a while, it's not like special or anything. It's not like good. It's good, like I can talk to my friends and stuff privately after school, or go out sometimes without…Mum knowing. Um, it's nothing like really wow, it just, like, gives me a bit more freedom.
[girl, 14]

A variety of experiences seemed to be considered the best arrangement, with neither too much supervised care nor too much time on their own.

[about after-school care arrangements. Do you like getting home on your own?] Yes, I like having the house to myself. I don't have to listen to anyone telling me not to do anything. I like that. [Would you like more of that? How much would be ideal?] Three days a week, maybe four. [About how long each day?] Just two hours. I don't like, around 5.30 and 6.00pm, I don't like being by myself. But I like it in the early afternoon.
[girl, 12]

Well it's better now, but I'd prefer to go home. If I had a choice (to) go home or go to after care, I'd choose to go home. [Why is that?] Well sometimes aftercare gets a bit boring and at home it doesn't really also I don't get the chance to have much friends when I don't go to aftercare a lot more often so I'm more happy when mum gets home from work a lot earlier and a lot more often than she used to so I can have more friends over. I used to only be able to have friends over on the weekend.
[boy, 10]

One child had quite an elaborate notion of what the perfect after-school arrangement might be, and serves as a clear reminder as to why parents would not abdicate all responsibility for decision making to children (although his plan for his mother is very thoughtful too).

[about coming home alone] Oh, it's OK. We get to do stuff by ourselves. But every time we have to go out, we have to let Mum know just in case she rings and there's nobody answering. But it's good when she gets home, because we don't see her a lot. We only see her at night time, sort of, and in the morning, and on the weekends. So, it's nice to see her.
[What would be the perfect after school arrangement?] I would come home, there'd be heaps of chocolate and food. Mum would be home, she would have a couple of friends over, drinking wine and talking, and I would be playing a Playstation or a 64 with my sister, but unfortunately we don't have one yet. And, yeah…have a really good bed, a really big one as well, with a mosquito net. I hate the mosquitoes.
[boy, 13]

12.2 The Parents' Perspective

Most of the parents who had used non-parental care when their children were pre-school aged talked about having positive experiences. Those who had problems talked about changing their arrangements, and looking around until they found something that both the children and they were happy with. There were a lot of parents who talked about non-parental care as something that they would avoid at all costs. They may have made complicated work arrangements, such as one parent working day shift, one working night shift, in order to avoid using any form of non-parental care. There was a shared view among these parents that no-one other than a parent, or, to a lesser extent, a member of the extended family, could care for their children as well as they could. Many of the parents depended on additional support from the children's grandparents, with several saying that they just could not work without this support.

I think it's very sad because kids are being brought up by people who aren't their parents – who have nothing to do with them, who haven't got the emotional, the feeling that a parent has for child behind their motives.
(mother, works night/weekend shifts)

This mother talked about a period in her first child's first year when she worked during the day.

I missed him walking, and cutting teeth and…his first sort of tooth. Yeah I did. And I hated it. I can remember when he was sick and I took him to the doctor – he had asthma when he was little – and the doctor said to me, "What does he do during the day?" and…[you had no idea?] Yes, and it really hit home. I felt like a total fool, but that was the situation at the time.
(worked despite desire not to work, because husband lost job)

As children got to school-age there was also an issue with having to change care arrangements as the children developed. So, after school care may have suited the children when they were younger, but as they got older both the children and the parents in some families considered that a baby-sitter in the home provided a better service.
Some of the parents were aware that their children did not like aspects of after-school care.

He dislikes the staff. He thinks they are too strict. And I think he dislikes…I think he feels like…to him if feels too much like a continuation of school and with all the rules and all the discipline issues. Also that the activities that are there don't particularly interest him, and I think really his preference would be that he would rather be at home doing his own thing.
(single mother works full-time)

He lobbied us for a long time before we agreed that he didn't have to go. He probably lobbied us for about 3 terms before we finally agreed he didn't have to go…so once we got the ground rules sorted out, it's worked quite well, but initially there was, we were pretty concerned about it. But he just found after-school terribly boring, and, as more and more of his friends dropped out it became more and more of an imperative for him to drop out...And he's grade 6 now and we were starting to appreciate that.
(mother, works full-time)

Several parents talked about the fact that their children became bored with after-school care, just as the children did. One parent raised the issue that the service was often aimed at younger children, and that there were very few things for older children to do.

Many parents talked about trying to ensure that children did not have to attend after-school care five nights a week, despite being generally happy with the care provided.

I think the staff are quite responsive to the children and care about them. There is not a high turn-over of staff so the kids get to know them. They're usually are primary trained teachers, so they have quite a good rapport with the children. And they have made friends there, or some of their friends go there as well. But they are a bit sick of going everyday, so when I can, I do try to work around that and pick them up a bit earlier.
(single mother, works full-time)

The transition from primary school with formal after-school care provision, and high school with not after-school care was identified by parents as a stressful period, both for those parents for whom it was imminent and those who were looking back. The use of mobile phones to monitor children was a theme in talking about secondary school aged children.

I used after school care. Obviously that ended once the older one went to high school. He no longer had after school care, and that was a bit of a worry because I knew he was on his bicycle and riding around and not necessarily supervised. So we got in to the habit of ringing each other quite a bit. And I think one of the things that helped me over the last couple of years is mobile phones, because we're able to keep in touch with each other. Not necessarily ringing up and talking to each other, but SMS messages, so little messages to each other. Who's where, when people are coming home. So there's a sense of – you kind of feel you know what's happening.
(mother, works full-time)

Another parent talked about mobile phones when advising other parents how to manage work and family.

It's partly the supervision thing – it's partly that dealing with the "Oh, my God! The train's broken down, what the hell am I going to do about this?" and that sort of stuff/
(mother, works full-time)

I think you've got to make time for your kids, no matter how busy you are at work. You've just got to. You've got to have free time where they can just chat to you. You've got to make yourself approachable so that if they've got any problem, during the day, if they need to contact you – if you've got a mobile number and that sort of stuff – and be able to ring you office – those sorts of things.
(father, temporarily unemployed)

Some researchers have suggested that the use of technology such as the mobile phone can be problematic, with concern about their children's safety leading parents to excessively monitor "children's time use instead of interacting with them more meaningful ways" (Schneider, Waite and Dempsey, 2000; p 11).

12.3 Conclusions

There was a significant minority of parents whose work decisions appeared to be motivated very strongly by a desire to never have their children experience any form of non-family care. For those who did use non-parental care, in general parents and children appeared to believe that after-school care was more likely to meet the needs of younger than older children. Parents and children reflected a general sense that older children wanted to stop going to after school care, often because their peers had stopped going. Some children had clearly become bored with the service provided, having experienced it for up to 7 years. Some children were being cared for by paid sitters in their own homes, while others were going home for several hours of self-care. Several parents expressed concern about the transition between upper primary and secondary school, where they felt children were likely to need supervision. This concern was a factor in these parents' employment decisions.

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