Family and Work: The Family's Perspective

4 About Work: the Children's Perspective

4.1 What Children Know About Parents' work
4.2 Do Children Think Their Parents Like Working?
4.3 What Parents Want Children to Know About Their Work
4.4 Conclusions

4.1 What Children Know About Parents' work

One of the conclusions of Galinsky's book was that parents needed to communicate more about their work with their children. In the survey of children, the children were asked how much they knew about their parents' work, and offered the response options: "a lot/some things/not too much/nothing". Two thirds of children said that they knew a lot about their mother's work and 54% said they knew a lot about their father's work. No other figures were reported. Galinsky suggested, furthermore, that parents were not sharing what they liked about work with children, although the figures she reported indicated that 86% of children actually believed that their parents liked their work "somewhat" or "a lot" (p 232).

In the present study, a set of questions was asked that addressed how much children know about their parents' work. Most of the children said that they knew a bit about their parents' work. Only a couple of younger children seemed to have very little idea of what their parents did. Children were asked whether their parents talk about their work. Most said that they did, although some children also talked about listening to conversations that parents have with other adults.

Yes, mum asks how my day was, and I ask how mum's day was.
[boy, 11]

No, not really, although I'll probably eavesdrop if she's talking to someone on the phone or something.
[girl, 12]

A number of children spoke of dinner-time conversations where information about each family member's day was exchanged.

Oh yeah…when we sit down and eat we usually tell each other what we do, what's going on in a day, if they are having hassles at the time, they always seem to like to talk about it and stuff like, and if they've got something big happening like a major project or something like that, they always talk about it.
[boy, 12]

At the dinner table mum and dad usually discuss what has happened in dad's work and in mum's work and things that went on. [Do you find that interesting?] Yes, some of it, but I also talk with (my brother and sisters).
[boy, 11]

Others commented that their parents only really talked about work if they were asked directly.

Yes, but you have to ask them. If you don't ask them they don't talk about it, but they sometimes talk about it. [Do you tend to ask them?] Yes, I like asking just to find out. They ask me how school is, so then I ask them how is their work going?
[girl, 12]

They do sometimes, but more they ask us how our school was more than talk about themselves.
[girl, 12]

Some children sounded disappointed with the process, echoing a complaint that many parents make about their children.

Not really. I usually say "how's your day" and he always says "good", so…
[boy, 15]

An important point regarding parents informing children about their work is the issue of whether the children are interested or not. Galinsky reported on two examples - one a child who liked to hear about his father's work, another who was "furious" that his father did not talk about his work. In the current sample there was a wide range of responses.

When asked whether they found their parents' talk of work interesting, some of the children affirmed that they did.

[You find it interesting?] Yes, especially Dad's. He has all these ideas that you have to think about, what other people do.
[girl, 12]

However, a greater number said that they weren't really interested.

After about two minutes I lose it. They talk about the same thing every day.
[boy, 17]

There are different levels of talking about work. It is possible to talk about work in terms of the nature of jobs, and the meaning of work, but many parents will understandably talk about the details of their everyday experiences when they "debrief" with partners or friends at the end of each day. Some children were clearly talking about this kind of "work talk" when they expressed a lack of interest.

Whether a child finds their parents' work interesting to hear about or not does not seem to depend only on the kind of work it is. The following responses come from two children in the same family.

[Do you like to hear about their work and their jobs?] Not really. [probe] It's a bit boring. [probe] I think when I was younger I'd like to hear about it and see what's going on, what they are doing. [When do you think that crossover age is where it becomes a little bit less interesting, a little bit more boring?] Secondary school I didn't really care what mum and dad were up to…and now I've gone to secondary school it's no big deal, so I didn't really care what they were doing, if that makes sense.
[boy, 16]

[Do you find it interesting to talk about their work?] Yes. [When you were younger?] It was boring when I was little. [When do you think it became interesting?] Probably when I was 9, in grade 4.
[boy, 11]

So for one child it was boring when he was younger, but became more interesting, and for the other it was interesting when he was younger and became less interesting as he got older. Whether or not the second child will go into a phase of finding his parents' talk of their work boring once again, the differences in their views highlight the need for parental sensitivity to differences between children. The consequences of the same action might be quite different for each child.

4.2 Do Children Think Their Parents Like Working?

Galinsky's figures were supported by the present study. Nearly all of the children believed that their parents liked working. Rather than focussing on a simple summary statement of whether parents liked working, however, it is more relevant to consider the reasons that children gave for their answers.

Some children drew simple logical conclusions from their parents' behaviour.

[Do you think they like working?] I think so. [What makes you think so?] Because if they didn't like it I don't think they would go.
[boy, 14]

[Mum] Yes. Because she's always in a hurry to get there.
[girl, 8]

More children referred to the financial benefits of working when discussing why their parents liked their work.

Well, (my step-mother) really enjoyed being unemployed. I think work does that to you. It's like you want to be home, but I think they are happy because they get money for it and they are able to do things. Like, we can go on holidays and have food to eat and things like that.
[boy, 12]

Some children were also aware of the social benefits that their parents gained from working.

(Mum) likes her job because she likes all the people and everything. She's known them all for a long time – most of them.
[boy, 11]

Older children and young adults in particular were more aware of the complex potential benefits of working.

Yeah. Because she has independence and she has her own money that she needs and gets to know people and stuff and she probably feels good because she is an individual working.
[girl, 21]

Even where there were acknowledged negative aspects of working that parents clearly talked about, the child was able to conclude that, in fact, overall her/his parents liked working.

I don't know. Dad complains a bit about how it gets a bit boring sometimes, and I think Mum does like it. Mum complains about the people she has to work with sometimes. She has some people who are a bit dodgy apparently. But I think they enjoy it.
[girl, 12]

Mum yes, because it was something to do. Dad, yes, I think especially now. Every day is different for him. I generally do think they like working. Everyone has a moan about it when we have to get up early morning, but I think that is just a standard type of thing.
[boy, 20]

She feels that she sometimes has to work a bit late, but I think she likes working there.
[boy, 11]

Some children were more ambivalent in their responses and commented that work sometimes made their parents tired or stressed.

Sometimes, sometimes she doesn't. Because sometimes she's just not up to it. She's just tired, and she walks to get a fair bit of exercise, and she's just tired every time she gets home.
[boy, 13]

I think she likes working, but, like, she works pretty hard – I think she might think of changing – it might seem boring to her after a while.
[girl, 11]

Um, I don't really know. I think it's a matter of something that she's done for a lot, a lot of years, and something that she's good at, and something that she has to do, which is to bring in money. [Are there things that she doesn't like about working do you think?] Probably that it's just a bit far away. Probably that. Um, sometimes I think, sometimes it sounds like she's asked to do a lot more or she puts in a lot more and I don't think she always gets really, like, thanked properly.
[girl, 14]

One child seemed to be aware that her mother may have made some compromises in her choice of employment because of the children's ages and current situation.

[mum] I think she likes working. I don't think she'd want to be at home, but I don't know if she likes her job. I think she'd rather be somewhere else, but she does it for us 'cause we're at school. [What makes you think that she doesn't really like her job much?] Well, whenever I ask her how her day is she goes "oh, yeah, alright". Nothing good or fantastic or anything.
[girl, 12]

Another child was clearly aware of some of the issues experienced by his parents in trying to balance their commitments.

I think he likes it more than where he used to work but he has much more things to do. He's more busy. [probe] Because I've asked him whether he likes it, 'cause he only worked at his other job for about 18 months because he didn't like it. [So are there things that your dad doesn't like about working now at his job?] I think he'd probably prefer to be a bit more flexible. Mum can be more flexible with her work and dad's more – you have to do this, you have to do that.
[girl, 12]

Several children spontaneously referred to an alternative to working.

Well, I think they would like to stay home with us more.
[boy, 10]

Oh, if you gave them money then I don't think they would be working, but that's about everyone's choice…Mum, she knows what to do and she's generally happy about it. She doesn't seem to come home every night depressed and everything.
[boy, 12]

An older child talked about a parent who had been in the work-force for a long time and who no longer enjoyed his work.

[About father when younger] Like, he really enjoyed it, he had been doing it since he was 16, but he got sick of it a long time ago and now he is just sitting it out because he needs the money, sort of thing.
[boy, 17]

Only one child stated quite categorically that his parents didn't like working. His perception was borne out in the interview with his father. However, interestingly, both parents worked from home in this family and were satisfied with the amount of time that they spent with their children, and the way that they were bringing their children up because of this intense monitoring and supervision.

4.3 What Parents Want Children to Know About Their Work

Galinsky argued that few parents were intentionally teaching their children about the workplace. Galinsky attributed this to parents' continuing ambivalence about the impact of work on children, however there was no support for this supposition in this research. Most of the parents interviewed were aware of whether they talked about their work with their children, and gave cogent reasons for their actions.

Nearly all the parents said that they wanted their children to value the idea of work, and to see that adults work for both financial reward and personal satisfaction. For many this was achievable through talking about work, but for some, they felt that they could teach their children this independently of talking about their own specific job.

In part because they've got their own lives to live. In part because there's no point. By the time they grow up and get jobs, their jobs won't look anything like my job in the same way that my job doesn't look anything like my father's job. I think it's important that they understand that work is important. That it has value and that is' rewarding and those sorts of things and I think they understand that.
(father, works part-time)

In contrast, some parents talked about the children knowing about their specific job because it was slightly unusual, or because they perceived that it would teach the children about how the business world operates. Others felt it was just part of the natural exchange that should occur in a family.

We like to know what our kids do, so why shouldn't they know what we do? Obviously, there are some things you don't tell your children. You don't tell them if you are financially stressed and you can't tell them heavy things like that. But they like to know what you do, and if you don't tell them what you are doing, I think it's leaving them out. I mean, we're a family.
(mother, works part-time)

One parent said that she did not talk about her work with the children a lot on a day-to-day basis because she did not like her job. However, she said that she did talk about it at other times. This was specifically because she wanted her children to know about her work so that it would motivate them not to make the choices that she had.

I use that as an example to them. That they could end up in a job like me if they don't stay at school and become something that they want to be. And that they could end up doing something that they hate forever.
(single mother)

Another parent who was not satisfied with his job also said that he did not talk about it much.

It's not something I would really encourage him to do. So, from that point of view I don't talk about it too much, I suppose, because I don't really think it's something he should look at thinking "I want to do what Dad does".
(father, works two jobs, part-time)

Of course, the issue of children understanding parental choices with regard to employment is also important to those parents who have chosen not to work outside the home.

It's important to me (that she understands my choices). I don't know whether I really sat her down and said "Well, I don't work because I want to be home. I think I've said, "I'm always here for you and that's why I've never gone back to work." I'm not sure how much the appreciation – how far it goes. I think she's just so used to Mum being home that – she probably appreciates it, and she often gives me a kiss and a cuddle. But, you know, it's really hard to fathom.

4.4 Conclusions

There seemed to be little support from this research for Galinsky's claim that parents are not conscientiously talking about work with their children. Most of the children reported that they knew about their parents' work and most parents reported talking to their children about their work. Some parents and children spoke of regularly sharing news of their day as a matter of course. There appeared to be differences in the kind of information that children might be interested in, and in the kind of information that some parents wanted to share. Regardless of their specific jobs, all the parents expressed a desire to teach their children about the benefits, both tangible and intangible, of working.


Go to Chapter 5
Back to Contents page